It’s the first Lazy Reader’s Guide I’m writing since the website redesign! It is not all that different. Don’t worry. I figured out how to do it. Sweet Valley Confidential In New York, Elizabeth makes out with the playwright/Todd-doppelganger Will! In Sweet Valley, Jessica has a flashback about the time she left her husband in […]
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Elizabeth goes back to the bar to talk to Liam again (and presumably to work her way up to inviting him to go to her grandmother’s birthday party with her). It seems like this should be a really easy thing to set in motion given that, universally, people love nothing more than when strangers invite […]
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I just had a conversation with my roommate about how she was obsessed with Sweet Valley High when she was a kid. She was unaware that Sweet Valley Confidential existed. I also had to break the bad news to her that Sweet Valley Confidential exists. Sweet Valley Confidential: Chapter 8 “Now, Matthew,” you might be saying. “This book isn’t that stupid.” […]
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Beautiful Redemption Chapter 11 Thomas shows up at Liis’ door with coffee. His secretary, Constance, suggested Thomas do so. “I turned to him, confused. “She’s up early,” I grumbled. “Why would Constance tell you to do this?” He shrugged. “She thought you might like it if I did.” I turned to face forward. He was […]
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Hey, readers! A quick note about next week: we’re trying a new thing where Ariel and I get a little more time off from the blog, so we’re going to start occasionally doing weeks where only one of us does their posts while the other watches Bob’s Burgers in their pajamas for a whole week travels the world […]
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If you a) like brunch and b) live in London, you should know that I have two friends who do a brunch blog! I guest-wrote for their most recent post about Bad Egg! You can still enjoy it even if you don’t live in London: we made jokes, that way everyone can enjoy it! Sweet Valley Confidential: […]
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No, it’s not the same thing I posted last week. This story is just that predictable. Beautiful Redemption: Chapter 13 Hey, readers. Ready for the single thing in Beautiful Redemption that has made me the most upset? Val held the wine glass to her lips. Her legs were stretched out across my couch in her charcoal-gray […]
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I go away for one week and I come back to this shit. Matthew, you let the characters get away with too much while I was gone. Sweet Valley Confidential Chapter 10: Before we get to all the thrills alluded to in this post’s title, Elizabeth and Will have their first fight. The day starts off well […]
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Sweet Valley Confidential: Chapter 11 The chapter kicks off with Steven and Aaron making salad. Steven is now living in Aaron’s one-bedroom apartment since he lost the house to Cara in the divorce. So apparently that much time has passed, since Cara only found out Steven was cheating on him two chapters ago. Or the […]
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This chapter is only like 14 pages, but they are 14 of the most confusing pages I have read thus far. Thomas slams some papers down on Liis’ desk, and he’s really upset that agent Groves might be arrested today. He was compiling more evidence on him, damn it! And Val’s been in on it […]
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Before we get into today’s chapter of Beautiful Redemption, I’d like to take a moment to honor one of my favorite things on the internet, which to my amazement turned ten years old on Wednesday. I am speaking, of course, of the fanfiction Half-Life: Full-Life Consequences. Any really dedicated BBGT fans out there might notice that the story features […]
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Elizabeth has convinced her parents to keep it a secret from grandma, Jessica and Todd that Elizabeth is coming to the big birthday bash. Her parents agree on the condition that they only keep it a secret until the day of the party. It’s confusing to me what this exactly accomplishes. Elizabeth says it gives […]
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Sweet Valley Confidential: Chapter 13 The chapter starts off with an unintentionally apt metaphor for the book as a whole: “What do you think she’ll do? Do you think she’ll speak to me? To us?” Jessica had already tried on five different outfits. […] All in all there were about ten different looks that were basically […]
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Beautiful Redemption Chapter 16: Taylor, one of the twin Maddox bros, greets Thomas in their native bro tongue with a, “Hey dickhead.” Jamie McGuire halfheartedly attempts to differentiate between the brothers while also establishing they’re brothers: At first glance, a passerby might mistake them for friends, but even under his peacoat, Taylor was just as […]
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Spoilers. Beautiful Redemption: Chapter 17 Thomas notices his dad talking to Liis and abruptly stops hugging his ex-girlfriend to see what all the fuss is about. “Did you interrogate her sufficiently while I was gone, Dad?” Thomas asked. “Not as well as you would have, I’m sure.” Jim turned to me. “Thomas should have been […]
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Sweet Valley Confidential Chapter 14, Part 1: Elizabeth is still upset that Will accused her of only going back to the party/bringing Liam to try to set her sister up to cheat on Todd. She wishes she’d pointed out to him that since Liam isn’t attracted to her, there’s no way he’s going to be […]
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Sweet Valley Confidential: Chapter 14 Picking up where we left off in the first half of the chapter, everyone is now seated for what is certain to be a horrendously awkward birthday dinner for grandma. Pascal’s writing, as always, demonstrates what a fine line there is between clever and dumb. It was a small dinner […]
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Liis and Thomas are really happy the next morning, glad they’ve finally decided to pursue a relationship. Thomas says that he thinks their previous relationships didn’t work out because they weren’t invested enough in them, but that this time is different. There are even amusing moments: “When he finally released me, he only pulled away […]
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This is a long one, y’all. You might want to save it for your lunch hour or something. Beautiful Redemption: Chapter 19 The only other real character of any importance turns out to be who’s at Liis and Thomas’s hotel door. I didn’t know what else to do, so I slid the chain and then yanked the […]
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Todd and Jessica are furious with each other on the way home from the party. Jessica defends herself, saying she wasn’t flirting, she was just talking to Liam. They argue a little about whether they really know each other, and damn it, this isn’t high school anymore! They are Sweet Valley adults now. Jessica debates […]
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