Gross things happened between Zoey and her teacher. Not sex (Zoey is still a virgin, “hell yes!”, her words), but the scene is still really icky and inappropriate.
Chapter 6
Zoey returns to her dorm, and tries to get Stevie Rae alone so she can tell her all about Loren. This of course doesn’t go anywhere because whenever Zoey needs to tell anyone anything in this book, something gets in the way. [Matthew says: Although usually it's her.]
Because we here at BBGT clearly love Pokemon and Pokemon references [Matthew says: Yep.], I’m going to put this in gotta-catch-em-all terms. It’s like when you’re forced to wander through a bunch of grass in order to get to the next town in the game, the next important piece of whatever qualifies as story development. But wait! Look you guys, a wild plot appeared again. The wild plot here actually serves to prevent you from moving forward with your goals as you have to stop and deal with it even though you wind up just fleeing most of the time because it’s not even a good Pokemon that you really want to catch (or plot point you want to see through to the end). It’s another fucking Caterpie. Or worse, fucking Metapod. These plot points are just endless Caterpies and Metapods who are wasting your god damn time.
It was fine the first five times but I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.
This time the plot point is that some guy Zoey knew in high school has mysteriously disappeared somewhere close to House of Night. We find out about this thanks to a conveniently timed news broadcast that her friends are watching at the dorm. [Matthew says: It is also worth noting the particular news channel they're watching is Fox News:
"It's hard to believe that Chera [the Fox News anchor] isn’t a vamp. She is abnormally gorgeous,” I said automatically.
I am a kajlillion percent sure that Fox News would have an anti-vampyre bias.]
During the discussion about the missing boy, Zoey’s friends seize the opportunity to demonstrate how inclusive they are to all races.
“Damn shame when something bad happens to a cute brother,” Shaunee said, shaking her head sadly.
“Damn shame when something happens to any cute guy—no matter what color, Twin,” Erin said. “We shouldn’t discriminate. Cuteness is cuteness.”
“You’re right, as usual, Twin.”
I am truly floored by the depth of insight provided by Erin in this scene. [Matthew says: I am truly floored by "Kristin and P.C. Cast Try To Sound Black 2: Electric Boogaloo".]
And because no preachy conversation would be complete without lamenting the evils of pot, the Casts seize this opportunity to lay their anti-pot rhetoric on thick. Before I proceed, I’ll just explain that Zoey has mentioned that the jocks she knew have all gone from drinking to drinking and smoking at their parties.
“I don’t like marijuana,” Stevie Rae piped in. “It smells bad. I tried it once and it made me cough my head off and burned my throat. Plus I got some of the weed in my mouth. It was just nasty.”
“We don’t do ugly,” Shaunee said.
“Yeah, and pot’s ugly. Plus it makes you eat for no good reason. It’s a shame the hottie football players are into that,” Erin
“Makes them less hottie,” Shaunee said.
Whelp. I’ve certainly learned my lesson, y’all. The Casts have finally gotten through to me, and I’ve seen the light! Pot ain’t hot, and that’s that.
Zoey points out that now is not the time to be discussing such things! She’s got “a bad feeling” about the dude’s disappearance. Um, is she going to try to tell us it’s her gut feeling again? Because I feel like literally anyone with half a conscious would have a bad feeling about someone going missing and not just Super Special Awesome Zoey. For some reason, though, Zoey’s friends actually think this is novel and get all worked up about her bad feeling.
At least she goes on to further explain (to us, but not her friends) that her bad feeling is telling her that Chris (the missing boy) is already dead. So is this or isn’t this a plot point? I have no idea anymore.
As Zoey hasn’t told her friends that she believes Chris is dead, they make up their own fascinating theories about his disappearance.
We met Damien in the dining hall, and everyone’s conversation was centered around Chris and theories about his disappearance, which ranged from the Twins’ insistence that “the hottie probably had a fight with his parental units and he’s off drinking cheap beer somewhere” to Damien’s firm belief that he might have discovered homosexual tendencies and had taken off for New York City to fulfill his dream of being a gay model.
Why’s Damien gotta have the gay theory, huh, Casts? You sayin’ that gay folk can’t have non-gay theories? That’s fucked up. [Matthew says: Gay folk? Who's... IS DAMIEN GAY?]
In typical House of Night fashion, a bunch of tiny but maybe “important” things are chucked into the end of the chapter.
1) Aphrodite returns Zoey’s missing earring to her. The one she lost when she was eavesdropping on Neferet be a massive bitch to our hero Aphrodite. I get that this is meant to be a signal from Aphrodite to Zoey that she knows she was eavesdropping, but I also see it as a really kind gesture! I mean, she returned the asshole’s earring when she didn’t have to.
2) Aphrodite goes to eat dinner alone outside because not even her friends are talking to her anymore. TRAGIC HERO.
3) Neferet shows up and asks Zoey to eat dinner with her instead. Zoey gets a bad feeling in her stomach even though she tries to tell herself Neferet is totally nice and good. TOTES NOT, YO.
4) I avoid a chapter where any creepy teacher-student moments occur. Here’s to hoping Matt continues to deal with that shit. [Matthew says: Thanks, friend.]
Tagged: books, Excerpts, House of Night, Humor, vampyres, YA, young adult, Zoey Redbird
