Christian Tries To Interact With Other Humans: Grey Chapter 12 Part 2 and 13

Yes, I know we’re getting increasingly confusing with the chapter divisions, but I promise it won’t get any weirder than “Chapter 12 Part 2 and 13″. Next week won’t be, like, “Chapter 14 Part 2 Part 2b, 15-16.5, Purple”.

Friday, May 27, 2011 (continued)

Christian gets home that evening upset because he still hasn’t heard from Ana, so he leaves her a very not-murdery voicemail.

“I think you need to learn to manage my expectations. I’m not a patient man. If you say you are going to contact me when you finish work, then you should have the decency to do so.”

lol any time Christian chastises others for a lack of “decency”. Abducted any drunk women after illegally tracking their cell phone lately?

Christian goes to a charity function for a global poverty nonprofit, which sounds fairly unoffensive for a whole three paragraphs before Christian makes it all about how all women want to jump his bones.

“And thank you for your generous contribution, Mr. Grey.” His wife is cloying, thrusting her perfect, surgically enhanced breasts in my direction.

Drinking game: Take a shot every time Christian describes a woman as cloying. Anti-drinking game: Take a shot every time he doesn’t.

To be fair, this scene does also have one of the only interesting character moments we’ve gotten for Christian in Grey, which you would think there would be more of.

I look around the table at all the middle-aged men with their second or third trophy wives. God forbid this should ever be me.

Honestly? Kind of an interesting insight into the psyche of a serial womanizer. Although maybe I’m giving it too much credit, since the rest of the book doesn’t support Christian as afraid of being… shallow? Unfulfilled? Actually, I’m not even sure what conclusion I should draw from that line, and now I’m kinda wondering if it’s just more of the “Christian doesn’t do romance” angle this book is beating us over the head with. Despite being all about how Christian is obsessed with Ana, in ways that decreasingly make sense:

When I get home, I head straight to my study and switch on the iMac. […]
“Call me, or I may be forced to call Elliot.”

Eventually, Ana calls Christian. One of the plus sides of seeing this conversation from Christian’s point of view is that we can really see how he and Ana are actually having totally different conversations.

“I’m sorry I didn’t reply, but I’m fine.”
Fine? I wish I was…
“Did you have a pleasant evening?” I ask, reining in my temper.
“Yes. We finished packing, and Kate and I had Chinese takeout with José.”
Oh, this just gets better and better. The fucking photographer again. That’s why she hasn’t called.

This is great, because most of Ana’s dialogue can be described as “normal human behavior”, while Christian’s responses to it can be described as “Chris Pratt’s character explaining that the genetically-modified dinosaur in Jurassic World is such a dick because it doesn’t understand how to interact with other animals”.

Basically the same character, when you think about it.

They confirm they’ll see each other Sunday. Christian also has 7 bazillion “Oh, Ana, whatever will I do about you?” moments, but the Sunday thing is really the only thing from the rest of this chapter that moves the story forward.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Christian picks up his sister Mia from the airport, and she immediately asks him about Ana. He ignores her. She talks about Paris. Christian introduces some issues with continuity.

I’ve missed her chatter; it’s soothing and welcome. She is the only person I know who doesn’t make me feel… different.

Since when? Do keep in mind we’ve read this story before, as well as two entire books of story after it, and have never seen any signs that Christian feels this way. We immediately get a flashback to Christian’s childhood when Christian first met baby Mia and it prompted the first time he ever spoke, because all that you really need to convince the reader that something they’ve never picked up on after over a thousand pages of story is a single scene that took place decades ago.

Anyway, we haven’t had this chapter’s “Christian makes it all about how all women want to jump his bones” yet:

The only person around is my parents’ housekeeper— she’s an exchange student, and I can’t remember her name. “Welcome home,” she says to Mia in her stilted English, though she’s looking at me with big cow eyes.
Oh, God. It’s just a pretty face, sweetheart.

Their mom gets back and asks Christian to help take Mia’s bags upstairs. Incidentally, did you know that Christian Grey is a multibillionaire CEO and it is therefore funny that he would be asked to do something soooooo beneath him?

“Christian, can you take Mia’s bags upstairs? Gretchen will give you a hand.”
Really? I’m a porter now?

What a charmer <3

Christian goes back home for a little while to take care of a few things before the whole family grabs dinner. He gets a riding crop in the mail and muses on how it “will be the perfect introduction to my world”, even though this would suggest that his world never owned such an item previously. He also gets a phone call with Elena, where even friggin’ Elena points out that he doesn’t act like a person who engages in real person dialogue.

“Not tonight. Mia’s just in from Paris and I’ve been ordered home.”
“Ah. By Mama Grey. How is she?”
“Mama Grey? She’s good. I think. Why? What do you know that I don’t?”
“I was just asking, Christian. Don’t be so touchy.”

Think about it.

“I’ve met a woman who I think might meet your needs.”
So have I. I ignore her comment.
“I’ll see you next week. Good-bye.”

Jesus, I can’t understand the rationale for a single thing Christian ever does. “A person shared information with me that they typically share with me. But this time it is not relevant to my needs. Better get upset, not acknowledge what she said, and immediately say goodbye!”

Back at his family’s for dinner, Christian reinforces how much he cares for Mia, the only person who doesn’t make him feel different. Meaning he insults her just like everyone else.

My sister is back, the princess she’s always been, the rest of the family merely her minions, wrapped around her little finger.

Mia asks about Ana again, and Elliot repeats the one line of dialogue he ever says in this book:

Elliot leans back in his chair and rests his hands behind his head.
“This I have to hear. You know she popped his cherry?”

I don’t even care that it’s gross. Elliot’s supposed to be gross (I think?). What I care about is that, seriously, there are like a bajillion ways to phrase this on top of a bajillion other things to talk about and all we ever hear…

USE OTHER WORDS

Christian tries to get everyone off his case.

“I met a girl.” I shrug. “End of story.”
“You can’t just say that!” Mia objects, pouting. […]
“You’ll all meet her at dinner tomorrow, won’t we, Christian?” Grace says with a pointed smile. […]
“I can’t wait to meet her. She sounds awesome!” Mia bounces up and down in her chair.

No, Christian did not give Mia any more information than “I met a girl”, but in E L James-land, that’s plenty of information for someone to sound awesome, I guess.

Shit. It looks like Anastasia Steele is going to meet my family.
I don’t know how I feel about this.

It’s almost like that scene earlier in the book where he made Ana meet his mom and mused on how “my mother will be thrilled” is weird and out of character or something.