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Zoey Probably Just Murdered Two Dudes. Also Racism: Chosen Chapter 18
House of Night, Chosen: Chapter 18 Zoey and Heath continue to discuss what he remembers of the night Zoey rescued him. Matt and I had a long discussion about how Heath just sounds like such a fucking...
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Zoey Is Horny: Chosen Chapter 19
And, oh, is it a thing to see. Chapter 19 Zoey begins by summarizing the previous chapter, which is such a frequent happening in House of Night that I kind of wonder if you could read one of these...
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Happy Birthday, Matthew!
25 years and one day ago, Matthew was born into this chaotic world. A world led astray by books like Fifty Shades of Grey and Bared to You. A prophecy foretold that someday Matthew would try to make...
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Bad Romance Advice, Good Times: YOU DON’T NEED A MAN, YOU NEED A GODDAMNED...
Las month, there was a lot of buzz around this absolute turd-nugget of an article about why you (a heterosexual woman, specifically) have not found love. Of course, I intended to write about this at...
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It’s a Ritual: Chosen Chapter 20
House of Night, Chosen: Chapter 20 Zoey “floats” her way back over the fence, and before she can stop musing about how cool this is (it really isn’t), she is immediately caught by Neferet and a bunch...
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Zoey Realizes She Can Solve The Problem By Trying To Solve The Problem:...
So does anyone know why this book is called “Chosen” yet? Does anyone know if a single decision has even been made yet? House of Night: Chosen Chapter 21 After Neferet cast a circle in the last...
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A Dark Past Revealed: Sweet Valley High, Secrets Chapter 1
Today marks our return to the wonderful world of Sweet Valley High and the Wakefield twins, Jessica and Elizabeth. Jessica is a gorgeous sociopath who thrives off causing problems ranging from light...
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Jessica Has Lots of Gossip, But No Boys: Sweet Valley High #2 Chapter 2
Hopefully everybody’s enjoying our return to the batshit insane world of Sweet Valley High while Ariel and I sort through all our recommendations we got for the next book (update: OMG), and also purge...
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We’re Gonna Start A Patreon, What Do You Think?
Hello, loyal readers and/or people discovering this blog for the first time today! This might be a bit strange for those of you in the latter category. The two of us writing this blog have been...
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Zoey Has Sex With Loren, Angels Weep: Chosen Chapter 22
Hi, everyone. Ariel here. I know we make a lot of jokes on this blog, and good times are had by all. It isn’t all fun and games, though. Sometimes chapters like these come along, and you can’t just...
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Zoey and Loren’s Pillow Talk is an Infodump: Chosen Chapter 23
So. Yesterday’s chapter. How’s everyone doing? Chapter 23 Last chapter ended with Zoey losing her virginity to her high school teacher Loren Blake. Let’s go over that again. I know it wasn’t “my...
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Jessica Squirts Tomato Juice on Her Sweater and Has a Meltdown: Sweet Valley...
Full disclosure, I feel weird about making fun of most of the characters in this chapter because I am slightly worried they actually have conditions of some sort that I shouldn’t mock. So I make the...
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Enid and Ronnie Fight Already: Sweet Valley High #2 Chapter 4
Sweet Valley High: Secrets Chapter 4 Elizabeth, Todd, Enid, and Ronnie are at the movies for a double date (the book points out that “the two couples often double-dated”, even though Elizabeth and Todd...
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What We’re Actually Reading: October Round-Up
So I’ve read a bunch of books since I started this feature, but I’ve found I haven’t always actually had all that much to say about any of them. So why not run through a bunch really quickly? Good...
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Betrayal, Accusations, Tears, Mangos: Chosen Chapter 24
So last weekend I went to the Young Adult Literature Weekend in London, which was awesome. During the panel on feminism, the discussion turned to the issue of likeable female characters, which I know...
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Zoey’s Friends Learn What Happened In This Book: Chosen Chapter 25
I assure you, we’ve heard about the gender-swapped Twilight. Serious question, though: are people actually interested in us reading that? Apparently it isn’t even the whole thing (at least Meyer has a...
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Enid Vs Elizabeth Smackdown Special: Sweet Valley High, Secrets Chapter 5
Guess what? Our Patreon is live! You can check it out to see all the excitement for yourself, but in short, it’s an easy way for anyone who would like to support us to give a monthly donation to BBGT,...
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Jessica Goes To A High School Party: Sweet Valley High #2 Chapter 6
Did you know we have a Patreon? We have a Patreon! If you’re interested in supporting BBGT with monthly donations, we’re interested in saying thank you. In fact, $1/month backers have access to our...
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Which Goosebumps Should We Read?
It’s October, which means it’s time for our annual reading of a beloved Goosebumps classic! BUT WHICH ONE DO WE CHOOSE?!!??! Take Our Poll This is one of the most important decisions you will ever...
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Zoey’s Friends Turn on Her Immediately: Chosen Chapter 26
When we last left off, Erik “I’VE CHANGED” Night had returned from running off into the darkness, despairing over Zoey’s betrayal, to reveal all of Zoey’s discretions. Also, Stevie Rae showed up...
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